Love The Mask For Fear
by Rockeymon
Summary: Love, the most beautiful sight on earth. The truest of which, could make a grown man cry. But what really lies beneath that love? NegiXYue AN: The characters are slightly O/C and I apologize for grammatical mistakes, writing isn't my strong suit.


Disclaimer:

I don't own Negima, and I apologize in advance for grammatical errors and characters being slightly O/C

Looking out the window I can see that it's a beautiful day, warm, maybe even nice enough for a picnic. Oh how nice a picnic would be, gather a basket, a blanket, and some sandwiches. Then wander off into the forest looking for a nice clearing with a charming view. Of course, no picnic would be great on my own. The remedy for that problem was simple, I need only to bring someone with me. Lazily I drift my eyes around the classroom, from student to student, watching as they silently continue their assignment for the day. Soon enough my eye's make it to her, the highlight of my day, the one who would teasingly ridicule the thoughts and remarks I make about her in my head, none other than Yue Ayase.

It took me awhile to break down the barriers in my head, to arrive at a point in which I might even consider dating someone. The biggest barrier being, " That's so wrong! They're my student, I'm their teacher! I would be chased out of town for this!" Then randomly one day I was called to the headmasters office, and he had a talk with me. Teasing as usual, even dropping a few hints that I should marry Konoka, but nonetheless all arriving at the same point. I was male, and I taught females, and that it would be normal for me to be attracted to my students. Moreover, that in any other case I'd be shipped of to a jail, but that in my case, if I were to ever act on these attractions, it would be alright. Never in my mind did I deem this act possible, but a few months later came Yue's confession, then before I knew it, we were dating. Who would've thought that in a year's time from then, that I would grow so attached to someone that I couldn't imagine letting them go.

" Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock. "

Slowly time drug on as I awaited for the class to end. Tilting my head to see the clock I could see that class would soon be over, and then I'd need only grade the tests that the students were finishing up now, then I'd be free to go about my day, maybe even have a picnic. Glancing around I could see that most were done with their test and awaiting the same moment of joy, that rush for freedom, and for them, that time would come soon enough.

" RIIIIIIIIING! "

There it was, the rush for freedom that everyone was waiting for, almost immediately half the class were on their feet running for the door.

" Please remember to read Act two of Romeo and Juliet! Tomorrow you all will be tasked with translating the first few acts, so come prepared! Also, Yue could you stick around after class for a moment, I had a question. " , I yelled, over the bustle of everyone leaving.

With that, most headed out the door, making chaste or teasing remarks towards Yue or I. As soon as everyone had left, Yue made her way over to my desk with a slight inquisitive look on her face.

" You had something you were wanting to ask? "

" I did indeed. I need to grade all of these papers, but I was wondering, would you like to go on a picnic later for, say, erm, dinner? "

The look on her face turned from an inquisitive look, to questioning, then back, before finally a slight smile crossed her face before it jumped to her usual stoic calculated face.

" Sure, a picnic sounds like it could be fun. I'll come by in an hour or two and we could go out from there? Is that alright? "

Inwardly that was great to hear, and getting a slight smile from her was just as rewarding.

" That sounds great to me! See you in a bit. "

A slight hug later, and I was left alone, to my own thoughts in a quiet, dismal room. With the only topic on my mind being, how much faster can I finish these papers in front of me, only to remember that no matter how fast I finished the papers, it would speed up her coming back here in two hours. So with that I set to work, starting a slow yet strong attack on the pile of papers that lie on my desk. Then, they all started to blur by, the time passing faster than it should, without even noticing it I enter a trance like state and finish the papers unnaturally fast. Then before I notice it the papers are done. A quick look was enough for me to know there was enough time for a quick run to change clothes and gather the things needed for a picnic.

The walk to my room was quick, sadly I still shared a room with Asuna and Konoka, but the only other real option was just too inappropriate, and until I was comfortable enough to purchase a cabin, this would have to do. Climbing up the latter to my little loft I eyeballed the room searching. There it was! In the corner I had a little basket that would be perfect for carrying food and a blanket out to the forest. With the basket, and a random sheet in tow, I jump down and head into the kitchen on the hunt for any food that would last long enough for a picnic. Given the few options in the fridge, I inevitably wind up with two sandwiches and two random juices from my stash of random drinks. Something I'd become accustom too with my girlfriends very strange taste in beverage. With a triple check to make sure I have anything I might need for our venture into the woods, I head back to the school and wait for Yue to show up.

Right on the two hour mark, I can see Yue approaching. Beautiful as ever, dressed up in a black, slightly frilly short skirt., and a long sleeved button up top to match, and a pair of white and black leggings to top it all off. A site to behold, and any mans dreams, at times such as this I could only wonder what she thought when dressing, whether it be to tease me, or if she did it without even thinking.

" You look beautiful, would you care to join me on an adventure into the forest, to find a place for a beauty such as yourself to feast on almond butter and star fruit jelly sandwiches? "

Something that might be odd to others, but a sandwich such as this could very easily be on the bland side of her pallet. All I could do was wait in anticipation on her response.

" A stroll into the woods? I've read that the Mahora woods are quite dangerous, but I take it I need not worry seeing as I have one of the strongest mages in all of the world with me.

" Why yes my dear, that would be one way of putting it. So off we shall go?

A nod from her, and with that we head start our walk towards the woods. We took our time, walking together was nice. With one hand I walked my staff, which had the basket fastened to the top it, and in the other I held her hand, her small, soft, pale hand. It was nice to walk with her, to have her with me, it even seemed that just her presence was enough to turn the worst into the best. Soon enough we reached one of the many trails that lead into the forest, and at this point had no reason to walk, with few people brave enough to enter the forest, it would be safe enough for us to fly the rest of the way. After refastening the picnic basket to the front of my staff I looked at Yue holding out my arm and invited her to join me , " Care to take a ride into the forest with me? " A roll of her eyes later and she joined me, sitting sideways with her arms wrapped around me and leaning her head on my shoulder. With this being the way she usually sits with me I don't know how I ever stop flying. With her hugging me and a clearing to find, I took off, soaring through the sky looking for what would wind up being our destination.

Wind blowing past me, I slid through the sky, all the time looking for a place for us to dine. " Negi, I've been wondering. Do you ever wonder what it would be like dating the other girls in class? " The question came swift, and was not one I was expecting. " I guess I have, it's not really a thought I really consider, I mean, why would I need to date anyone else when I have you ? " Saying that I pecked her on the cheek. Looking up from my quick kiss I spot what looks like a great place for us to picnic at. With our destination decided, I slowly descend and once close enough reluctantly set down on the ground so that Yue can get down.

Once on the ground I examine our surroundings to fully see the place I'd chosen for us to eat. Off to one side was a stream that slowly trickled down hill, just wide enough that I would need to wade across, but not so big that it need be called a river. Right next to the river was a tree that hung over the river that provided the perfect shaded spot for us to sit under. A swift motion and a mutter to myself later, and the blanket shot out of the basket and laid itself before us, with the basket of food slowly drifting behind it.

" Would you care to join me for a picnic my dear? " , with that said I take her hand and we walk over to the tree and sit down on the blanket, slowly pulling things out and eating. I couldn't help but sit there enjoying her company, it was so peaceful, and nice. Sadly though she didn't sit right curled up next to me like she usually did.. Slowly we ate our food, just enjoying each other's company. Watching the stream you could occasionally see a fish break the peacefulness of the water, jumping out and making a splash as it landed back in.

" Negi. Why do you love me? "

The question was sudden, yet simple, said with a very calm voice. Turning my head from the river I could see that she had finished her food and drink, and was patiently awaiting a response from me.

" I love you because you were there for me when I needed you, because you were able to remember who I was just by the touch of me. Because throughout all our trials you always stood by and supported me. "

My answer seemed to perplex her, it was hard to tell, seeing as most emotions had left her face.

" So why love me? Why not Chisame, or Chachamarau? Why not one of the one's who truly stood by you? " This response, it, confused me to say the least, I didn't understand it.

" I don't know Yue, because you make me happier than they do. Because you've shone a light into my life after so much sadness. " I was confused, why would she ask something like this?

" How do I make you happier? Why, couldn't Nodoka, or even Paru-san make you happy? Why me, why when someone else could do such a better job? And why lie like you did earlier, I can tell that you have thought of dating the others. " Her words, they were calm, yet cold, they pierced me like an arrow shot at point blank, but they weren't done. " Why love me? I'm an emotional mess, I'm so messed up they had to put me with the silent book work, and the perverted magaka. Why not just love someone else? Why pretend like you care, and listen to all of my sob stories. What hurts even more is that you pretend that you love me, when in reality you're just to kind to break up with me because you think I might get hurt. " The words before, if they pierced like an arrow, then this was like having a boulder dropped on me, but I couldn't not respond, I had to say something, she was wrong, I did love her, she made me the happiest person ever! She wasn't the only one broken, I was abandoned by my dad and forced to travel and strive to be the strongest, her past made me feel like I wasn't the only one! Why couldn't she see it, why couldn't I get the words out to explain it to her, why couldn't I just say something! But just like that she started again. " You know, I don't even know how I could've thought you might love someone like me, I don't know why I would let someone like you love me, hell I don't even think I love you, maybe it was all just a facade so that I could vent about my past. Actually, that's just it, I don't love you, your useless, maybe you just wanted me around so that you could have someone else to whine about your past to. " At those last words I was broken, in tears, she'd broken through what was left of my composed barrier. " I don't need you anymore, in fact you know what, I'm already feeling happier about myself, much better than I ever did with you. You know, I think I'll go find a better person to date, a normal person, someone who isn't fucked up like you. Then maybe they'll be able to make me happy, something you never managed to accomplish. So guess what, this is it, say goodbye to your 'beautiful' Yue, we're throu- "

Suddenly out of no where I felt something shaking my shoulder, pulling me out of my trance. There I was, sitting in my chair in the classroom crying, the pain from the words I'd heard hitting me. What would cause me to think like that, how could I have drifted off down a pattern of thought like that, entering a dream like state whilst finishing all of those papers. Finally turning to acknowledge what is shaking my arm I see none other than what had caused this. My ears slowly started registering sound again.

" Negi? Negi?! Are you alright. "

Slowly I nod my head. If only she could know, the pain I had felt. If only I could tell her that it was my deep fear that I might lose her that causes me to be like this. You see, this isn't the first time this has happened, while this may have been the worst it's ever affected me, definitely not the first time. I just wish I could muster up the courage to tell her, that I was scared of losing her, I was scared that she might one day move on from me, let her know that the thought of her one day moving on from me was terrifying. I couldn't though, there's no way I could ever let her know my deep, dark fear, that she would one day no longer want me. I knew what I could do though, I could embrace the fact that she DID want me. That she DID love me. So looking up into those beautiful, worried eyes, I slowly stood up from my chair, turning and embracing her, pulling her as close to my body as I could. I may not be able to tell her that I'm scared I might lose her to nothing, but I do know what I can tell her.

" Yue, I love you, I love you more than anything in the world, more than anything I've ever known, and I want you to know, that I never, NEVER, want to lose you. "

AN: Hi all, and thank you for reading. As stated, I apologize for grammatical errors, I love to read and write, but sadly grammar happens to not be my strong suit... Neither does punctuation... Regardless though I worked through the night to try and present you all this, "Love the mask for fear." The characters may seem O/C because I more based them on my own thoughts, and wanted to present a way to get my thoughts out of my head, and to me, the easiest way to do so was to write them down and pass them on in a way I thought others might like to read.

Please R&R so I can see what you all think, thanks!

~Rockeymon


End file.
